Couple's Resources

Break The Ice

Telling your lover you want to try something new in the bedroom can be nerve racking for even the most experienced kinkster. The fear that you will be rejected or called weird can be enough to stop many people from getting the most out of their sexual experiences. One way to get past this is to bring up talking dirty when you are already engaged in foreplay. Maybe try telling your lover to do something such as “kiss my neck” or even something naughtier like “spank me”.

Something else you can try is asking your partner if they have anything they have always wanted to try in bed. This can start the conversation towards you bringing up what you want to try.

Once you agree to try talking dirty to each other, it is important to agree on what terminology you are going to use. Being called the wrong thing in the middle of sexy times can be a major mood killer.

At the back of this pamphlet, we included a chart for you to fill out with your lover of the vocabulary you like and dislike using.

Tools & Inspiration

Other than face to face dirty talk, the easiest way to talk dirty with a lover is over text message. Having the phone in your hand can dampen inhibitions, worries, and embarrassment that you might have when looking someone in the eye. You can also build into some great sexual tension by texting throughout the day.

Pictures are also great to incorporate into talking dirty as they give visual stimulation to what would otherwise be imaginative fantasy. Apps can offer a medium to send pictures that disappear after the receiver views them. You will also get a notification if someone takes a screenshot of the picture or views it more than once.

When trying to figure out what to say, there are two easy ways to find inspiration. The first is to pull from experiences you hope to have. Try starting the conversation with “I’d like to do___” or “I’m going to do ___ to you” or “do ___ to me”. If you are having a hard time pulling from your own fantasies, grab an erotic fiction and use one of their scenarios, putting yourself into the character’s place. Do not feel pressured to make the scenarios fancy, just say what turns you and your partner on.

Safety

When talking dirty over text, the number one rule is to double check you are texting the right person. It would be very embarrassing if you were to send an especially hot text to your work’s group message. It is also a good idea to let the person know to expect the messages so they do not have their phone read the message out loud when they are with other people or have someone looking over their shoulder. If you want to keep it more spontaneous, at the very least start with tamer messages that would seem innocent enough to anyone who might be reading it out of context.

When sending naughty pictures, always keep in mind that once you hit send they are no longer in your control. Only send them to someone you trust completely. Also keep content in mind. It is a good idea to keep your face out of the picture and hide any distinguishing tattoos or birthmarks.

When sending pictures over social media, know that some messenger systems automatically save pictures to your phone without notifying you or anyone who sent it. Grandma would be shocked looking through your vacation photos only to come across a naughty picture of you or your lover.

Once you put a picture onto the internet, there is no way to delete it completely and permanently. The internet is forever.

Spicing Up Date Night

Mild

• • • Dinner tour: go to three restaurants, one for appetizers, one for dinner, and one for desserts.
    • Have a picnic
    • Moonlit walk
    • Miniature golf or go-cart racing
    • Visit a local bakery or pastry shop and pick desserts for each other.

Spicy

• • • Go shopping and pick out sexy underwear or outfits for each other.
    • Have breakfast for dinner at home in lingerie.
    • Curl up naked and watch a horror movie.
    • Feed each other finger food at a nice restaurant.
    • Go on a “blind” date by blindfolding your date until you get to the restaurant, movie, etc.

Sizzling

• • • Make a pizza together while naked, do not be afraid to get dirty.
    • Pick out a sex toy for each other and then use them.
    • Wear a panty vibe or any remote control toy in a crowded theater or restaurant.
    • Backwards Date: sex, movie, and then dinner.
    • Make a naughty treasure hunt for your partner including things like lube, toys, and other fun goodies.
    • Write and star in your own home movie.
    • Play naked Twister.
    • Tell each other your biggest fantasy and then try it out.
    • Pretend to be strangers at a bar and hook up.
    • Watch a naughty movie together.

Yes/No/Maybe List

Go through the following list of activities and highlight those you are interested in and cross off those you are not interested in. Not sure about something? Leave it blank as a "maybe." Fill out this list alone, switch lists with your partner, and then review them together.

• • • Spontaneous Sex
    • Tantric sex
    • Phone sex
    • Anal sex
    • Sensual sex
    • Oral sex
    • Rough sex
    • Mutual masturbation
    • Cyber sex
    • Missionary
    • Legs over shoulders
    • Doggy
    • Cowgirl/boy
    • Sex in the shower
    • Hotel sex
    • Sex outside
    • Strip tease
    • Sexting
    • Stimulating gel
    • Lingerie
    • Body toppings
    • Adult toys
    • Position aids
    • Sensation toys
    • Read erotica
    • Watch porn
    • Make a home movie
    • Bondage
    • Domination and submission
    • Pain play
    • Role play
    • Exhibitionism
    • Spanking
    • Orgasm denial
    • Talking dirty
    • Erotic massage
    • G-spot or prostate stimulation
    • Nipple stimulation
    • Nipple clamps

Strap-On Play

Who Uses Strap-Ons?

Though popularized by the lesbian community, harnesses and strap-ons have expanded to include just about every demographic. Hollow strap-ons are used by those with erectile difficulties to continue to have sexual intimacy with their partners. They are also used by some to give the appearance of a “package” by using a soft or hard prosthetic called a packer. Even still, some strap-ons are used by those with limited mobility in the form of a thigh harness or strapless strap-on. Whatever your reason for wanting to use one, here are a few tips for choosing a harness and any attachment. Try discussing with your partner the features you want before shopping or during so you can find the best fit for you. You might need to try a few before you find your perfect harness. Keep in mind that some harnesses do not support larger attachments, and some take more cleaning care than others. If you are unsure of how to care for a harness, most will have cleaning instructions on the packaging. If you have any other questions about harnesses and strap-ons, feel free to ask a sales associate.

Quick Vocabulary:

Picking a Harness

• • • Thong Style: This style is generally the most inexpensive style as it takes the least amount of material to make. They can also be made to look like underwear. They can be made of fabric, thermoplastic webbing, or leather. Some like it because it adds some sex-appeal, but they can lack stability and control
    • Jock Strap Style: This style tends to be the most sturdy and stable. The attachment is held firmly in place by multiple straps. They can also be made of fabric, thermoplastic webbing, or leather. Jock strap style harnesses hold the heavier attachments. Some come with extra padding on the front and back for more comfort. Jock strap harnesses also tend to be very adjustable so they can fit those with larger hips. Some are even designed specifically for plus-sized wearers.
    • Underwear Style: This style can look like panties, briefs, or boxer briefs. They generally do not support heavier attachments, and work best for packing. They tend to be mostly made of fabric and elastic, but some variation can occur.
    • Thigh Harness: This style is the most unique of the styles. It is worn on the thigh of the giver and the receiver *bounces* on the knee of the giver. This is a great toy for those in a wheelchair, have a back injury, or other mobility issues who would not otherwise be able to easily penetrate their partner.
    • Face Harness: This style of harness may be the most rare. It is generally a one piece attachment designed to go around the chin.
    • Strapless Strap-Ons: A type of double ended dildo. The giver wears the smaller part internally and penetrates the receiver with the other end. If your Kegel muscles are not developed enough to hold it on your own, you can slip it through a harness for extra support or hold onto it with your hand. Strapless strap-ons also work wonderfully for those with reduced mobility because the part that the giver typically wears works wonderfully as a handle.

Picking an Attachment

• • • Size: Pick an attachment that your harness will be able to support with little or no help, and keep in mind what your partner wants as well. If you are not sure, start smaller. Dildos and vibrators with a flared base tend to work best with harnesses. Some harnesses have a maximum and minimum size for what the base of the attachment can be because of the size of the hole in the front of the harness. Others have interchangeable silicone or metal O-rings to accommodate different sized attachments.

    • Material: Because they are easy to clean, we recommend silicone dildos. They can be hard or soft and are generally hypoallergenic. Cheaper options include PVC and Jelly, though these do not last as long. Glass is another option, though more rare.

    • Shape: Many people prefer more realistic dildos, while others cringe at the thought. Discuss what you and your partner want your attachment to look like, including shape and color. If you want a rainbow dildo, go for it!

    • Extra Features: Do you want your dildo to have a suction cup base? Do you want your harness to have a spot to keep a vibrator to provide clitoral stimulation to the wearer? Ask for it!

Pro Tip: Suction two dildos together to make a double dildo for twice the fun.